Modine hobbled up 4 steep steps to get on the bus. She could feel the impatience of other the passengers. Their shifting and grumbling confirmed it, she was taking too long. She tried to hustle but her blasted right knee was not cooperating. It locked up at the bus stop and hurt like hell. After much effort she reached the platform and counted out her change. Dropping the coins into the slot, she grabbed an overhead rail as the bus whined and wheezed its way onto the busy road. It sounded as feeble as Modine felt.
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This post was written for The Writers' Post group on Facebook, and this week’s prompt is to write a flash fiction story with exactly 100 words, including the title. If you want to connect with other bloggers and join the fun, go to The Writers' Post Facebook page and request to join the group. Everyone is welcome.
Great job with the challenge. I can picture the whole scene so vividly. Love the last part where you compare Modine to the feeble bus. Love it!
ReplyDeleteGreat job with this week's post!!
ReplyDeleteNice first draft. It's always amazing what our mind spill out off the cuff.
ReplyDeletemy knee hurts!! : ) awesome...as always
ReplyDeleteThis is awesome! =D
ReplyDelete--Diana Jillian
That was great and I could almost hear the grumbling from the others!
ReplyDeleteI really liked this...brought up some strong empathy for sure!
ReplyDeleteGreat approach!
ReplyDeleteAwww...how sad and realistic... We never know of another's pain.
ReplyDeleteYou did really well! You brought me right on the bus and wrapped it all up in exactly the right number of words. Great job, Langley!
ReplyDeleteExcellent description. I can sympathise right now. Problem with my heel and I'm moving on half speed! However, it's me who is getting frustrated with me *chuckle* Cool write :)
ReplyDeletePoor Modine! I hope she finds a reason to smile later in the day.
ReplyDeleteHow well done, how sad, and, unfortunately, how prophetic.
ReplyDeletePam
A Pirate Looks Past Sixty
A great post, thank you and a searing reminder of the inevitability of aging!
ReplyDeleteA great post!! Unfortunately we will all eventually deal with the inevitability of aging.
ReplyDeleteKathy
http://www.thetruckerswife.com/
I really liked this little story. I felt her pain. Nice work!
ReplyDeleteNice! What a fabulous descriptive turn - I love the comparison of the woman to the bus.
ReplyDeleteI'll try to remember this one the next time I'm riding the city bus and feeling impatient about such occurrences. I do, too--I feel impatient. Unfortunately.
ReplyDelete